


The Condom Fairy

by Tassos



Series: Human Stuff [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Condoms, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Minor Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Shiro/Keith preslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 01:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18063662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tassos/pseuds/Tassos
Summary: Six times Shiro hands out condoms and encourages safe sex.





	The Condom Fairy

Shiro hadn't expected Hunk to be first. His money had been on Lance, for all the obvious reasons, but after watching Hunk make eyes at Shay all evening, he knew he'd be having this conversation with him sooner than later.

The celebrations on the Balmera had started that afternoon and had already gone pretty long into the night. All day, Balmerans had been emerging from the tunnels, and as the sun set, campfires had sprung up amid the drinking and dancing as far as the eye could see. Through it all Hunk hadn't left Shay's side. Not when Lance got bored and went off with Pidge and Keith to re-enact their battle with the Robeast, not when more of Shay's friends and family joined their fire and demanded to hear all about Voltron's fight to free them. And from the next fire over, where Shiro was sitting with Allura and Coran and some of the elders, he heard Hunk say every time, "We couldn't have done it without Shay."

It was cute really. Hunk lit up next to her, and she bumped his shoulder when he leaned into her space, laughing. So when they got up together, Shiro took a last sip of the sweet and crunchy drink Coran had handed him earlier, made his excuses, and followed.

"Hunk!" he called out, jogging to catch up. "Sorry, Shay, I need him for a sec." He grabbed Hunk's arm before he could protest and waved at her. He couldn't read Balmeran expressions very well but Shay didn't seem too bothered. She waved back and told Hunk she'd meet him at the Castle door.

Hunk on the other hand turned wide-eyes on Shiro before nervously saying, "What's up, Shiro?" with what Shiro was pretty sure was supposed to be an innocent expression on his face but was pretty much not. He tried for casual, putting his hands in his pocket - they'd changed out of their armor after the battle, much to Allura's dismay - but his eyes darted nervously toward Shay.

"So about you and Shay," Shiro said, raising an eyebrow. He wasn't trying for stern but Hunk cracked anyway.

"Me and Shay. What about us? Nothing's going on. Nope, nothing. We're friends! Just friends!" Hunk smiled about as convincingly as he'd tried for casual a minute ago. It was cute, and Shiro couldn't help smiling a little.

"There's nothing wrong with there being something," he said as gently as he knew how. "I just want you to be safe."

"Safe? Of course we'll be safe. We're just going to look in on Yellow. Very innocently."

"Hunk," Shiro waited until Hunk's panic brought his skittering eyes back to his. When they did, Hunk's whole body slumped, caught.

"Shiro," he whined. "How did you even know?"

"I have no idea. It's like I have eyes or something," Shiro said dryly, getting another groan from Hunk, which made him smile wider. "Look," he said, "I'm not here to stop you from hanging out with Shay alone."

"You're not?" Hunk's head came up with a snap, surprise wide in his eyes.

This time Shiro couldn't help the huff of laughter. "No. It's like I said, I just want you to be safe. So that means you listen," he said before Hunk could interrupt again. He saw the moment it all clicked for him, and he closed his mouth and nodded. "You listen to Shay, to her cues, and you ask if you're not sure because she's not human and she might have different expectations." He waited for Hunk's nod. He was a good kid, but he was also seventeen and it was easy to get caught up in the moment. A reminder never hurt. "And you listen to yourself. If you want to stop or you're not comfortable and want to slow down, you do it, and tell her. Got it?"

"Got it," Hunk said, nodding again but also rolling his eyes a little. "Can I go now? We really were only going to go in to say hi to Yellow, and this has all been super embarrassing."

Shiro's lips quirked. "One last thing," he said, grabbing what he needed out of his belt-pocket. Hunk just stared for a moment when Shiro handed it to him until he recognized what it was through the clear wrapper. Then he spluttered a dropped it. If the light were better, Shiro was sure he'd be able to see Hunk blush.

"What- Shiro! Where did you even find that?" Hunk sounded scandalized and he had both hands in his hair when Shiro bent to pick up the condom. He grabbed Hunk's wrist and pointedly folded his fingers around it this time.

"I asked Coran."

"Coran knows?!" Hunk spluttered. "You told him about -"

"I didn't name names, and to be honest I didn't think I'd be having this conversation with you first. And again," he gave Hunk's hand a reassuring squeeze, though he wasn't sure Hunk knew that's what it was supposed to be, "I'm not stopping you from doing, or not doing, whatever with Shay, okay?" Shiro said. "I just want you to be safe, and that includes making sure you have protection. Just in case. Which you will use if necessary. Got it?"

"Oh god, I can't believe you just handed me a condom." Hunk stared at his hand then at Shiro like he'd grown a second head.

"Hunk." Shiro shook his wrist this time until Hunk blinked rapidly at him and pulled himself together.

"Okay. Right. Got it," he said, flustered and not quite able to meet Shiro's eyes.

"All right." Shiro smiled at him and let go of his hand. "If you want to talk or anything -"

"I'll go find Lance," Hunk said quickly, flashing a smile that took the sting out of it.

Shiro laughed. "Fair enough. Go have fun." He patted Hunk on the shoulder, and got a shy smile in return.

Hunk didn't need telling twice. He hurried away, breaking into a jog when he neared Shay by the Castle entrance. She caught him by the arm when he got close and they were already smiling together when they disappeared inside.

Shiro shook his head and returned to his spot by Allura.

"What was that about?" she leaned in to ask him, eyes curious.

"Just needed to give him something," Shiro said, shrugging. "Human stuff."

* * *

Shiro's conversation with Coran had gone something like this.

After Shiro had chewed Lance out for thinking with his dick and getting handcuffed to a tree, he'd gone to find Coran because thinking with dicks was what seventeen year-olds did. He was rather proud of the fact that his voice stayed even and he didn't blush when he explained exactly what it was he was looking for.

"A thin slip-covering for a penis to wear during sex."

"That sounds rather uncomfortable." Coran made a face, though he didn't cringe. Shiro had a moment to wonder if Altean men had dicks. They looked like humans in most other ways.

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt, or anything," Shiro said, wishing Coran would just answer the question so they could get this over with.

"But what's it for?" Coran asked, still puzzled.

Shiro kept it clinical. It wasn't a big deal to talk about after all. Just completely awkward trying to describe human sexual practices to an alien he had no intention of sleeping with. "It's to catch the ejaculate so you and your partner don't get diseases. Or pregnant."

"Pregnant!" Coran bolted upright out of his slouch. "Human males can get pregnant?!"

"No, that's not what I-"

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Suddenly Coran was in Shiro's face, examining him closely. Shiro didn't know if he wanted to laugh or cry. Gently, he pushed Coran away from him.

"I'm not pregnant, and no, human males don't get pregnant. It's much more complicated if they want to - you know what, never mind." Mentioning gene splicing and artificial wombs would only confuse things. Shiro took a steadying breath. "Do you have anything like a condom? Or can we make some?"

"Well, I think I might have something that would fit. As it were." Coran's eyes slipped down Shiro's body and he pretended not to notice.

"Great," Shiro said, then because he couldn't help it. "Eyes up here, buddy."

"Hmm," Coran did as asked, crossing his arms. "I must say, I find you humans very peculiar."

Shiro couldn't help shaking his head, a little laugh escaping. "Right back at you, Coran."

* * *

"Now this is what I call proper appreciation." Lance sidled up beside Shiro. He leaned against the wall with his arms folded in front of him and his eyes on the opening ceremony before the paladins were due on stage. The Joruztian leader had asked for them to participate in a ritual of thanks and prayer to their gods for freeing them from the Galra, and Allura and Shiro had been happy to say yes for the goodwill. Keith and Pidge had been against it, but Lance had been over the moon. It wasn't their first celebration party, but it was their first formal honoring.

The Joruztian's were a lively bunch too, lots of enthusiasm to match their brightly toned skin. They had been one of the worlds subjugated for their workforce rather than their planet's raw materials, so they were in better shape than some other worlds and had more infrastructure left intact.

Shiro gave Lance a look. "We're not doing this for the parades."

"No, I know. Help the innocent, throw off Galra rule." Lance waved his hand to acknowledge all that. "But you gotta admit, getting a little thanks now and then is nice."

Shiro's eye found Allura who stood straight and regal next to the Jozatus on the stage. "We're looking for allies, not accolades," he said.

"Why not both?" Lance grinned easily. "I've met some very lovely girls over there," he nodded over his shoulder where there were indeed a trio of female Joruztian stage hands sneaking glances at them, "who are happy to give me accolades, if you know what I mean."

Shiro raised one eyebrow in a skeptical, _Really?_ kind of sentiment. Lance held out for half a minute before his shoulders slumped.

"Oh come on, I'm serious! Why does no one think I have any game?"

"Maybe because last time your flirting got you handcuffed to a tree," Shiro said drily.

"Low blow, Shiro." Lance scowled, making Shiro smile. 

He gave Lance a gentle nudge in the side with his elbow. "Why are you over here with me then?"

"Because," Lance heaved a sigh like Shiro was slow, "I heard that you have condoms." He was leaning casually against the wall again, and it was hard to tell with his coloring but Shiro though he saw a blush creep up his ears.

"I do. I don't have them on me, though," he said. "They're in my belt pocket with my regular clothes. I can get them after we're done here." 

Shiro glanced over at the Joruztians again. They glanced away, whispering to each other, which probably was a good sign. It was kind of hard to tell with aliens sometimes, but hey, if Lance wanted to go for it, Shiro wasn't going to stop him.

"You'd do that?" Lance sounded surprised, and Shiro turned back to see him him straighten out of his slouch.

"You thought I would say no?"

"Well, no, but I didn't think you'd be cool about it."

"Why not?"

Lance floundered, hands gesturing between them. "Hunk said you gave him a lecture!"

Shiro tilted his head in acknowledgement. "I just want you guys to be safe." He reached out and put his hand on Lance's armored shoulder. He was always so confident on the outside, ready to meet the universe. But he was still growing into the promise of his gangly limbs, still seeking validation that he mattered to someone. Shiro gave him a little shake. "I told him, and I'm telling you: listen to your partner. Listen to yourself. You don't have to do anything you don't want, and if you have questions ask. You don't have to prove anything to those girls, and you don't have to prove anything to the team. That enough of a lecture for you?"

"Yeah, yeah," Lance shoved Shiro's hand away, but his eyes were fond when they cut back toward Shiro, the tips of his ears pink again.

"I mean it about the questions," Shiro told him. "Alien sex can be weird. You have to be able to adapt and let your partner know what you need, too."

That got him a double take and Lance's jaw flapping open for a minute. Shiro grinned a little, and nodded over his shoulder where Coran was signaling to him. He chucked a knuckle under Lance's chin. "We're up."

"What-? You-?" Lance shook himself, blinking rapidly before he narrowed his eyes at Shiro. Shiro pushed him toward the stage where Allura was telling the assembly about the return of Voltron.

"Later. But hey," Shiro checked himself and waited till Lance met his eyes. "No matter what, I've got your back, okay? If you need to talk or -"

"Oh my God," Lance groaned, slapping a hand over his eyes. He seemed to have recovered without any lasting damage. "I think I'd rather talk about this with Keith than with you."

"Talk about what with me?" Keith asked, joining them.

"Nothing!" Lance practically shrieked. Keith gave him the look he always did when he though Lance was being weird and an idiot, turning to Shiro with raised eyebrows in question. But they were being announced so Shiro shook his head and the subject dropped in favor of greeting the Joruztians.

* * *

After Lance had asked him for condoms and he hadn't had any on him, Shiro decided that a little pro-active distribution was in order. Coran had given him an initial batch of fifty, which Shiro divided among the paladins. Dropping off Hunk and Lance's was easy since the idea had already been broached. Hunk had accepted his without comment or eye-contact, and Lance had made an airy comment about needing more.

"You haven't even used the first one!" Hunk scoffed, which set Lance spluttering and blushing. He sent Shiro a sheepish look while he fronted.

Shiro just raised his hands and backed out of the room. "None of my business. Just use them when you need them." He left them to their scuffling, but once he was in the halls alone he couldn't help but chuckle to himself. Lance wanted to be a player but he was soft touch too.

Shiro headed for the Green Lion's hanger next. Sure enough Pidge was at her console working on something. She didn't look over when Shiro came in, even though he made sure his footsteps were loud enough so he wouldn't startle her. He waited patiently for a minute, and when her "Just a minute," turned into longer than a couple minutes, he started poking at the mechanical gadgets she'd found around the Castle that were strewn around her work area. 

"Okay, stop. Don't touch that," she finally said, pushing his hand away from a thing with blinking lights that was hooked up to her console. She scowled at him over the top of her glasses.

Shiro smiled at her. "You got a minute?"

"Well, I'm kind of busy." She gestured at her screen, which was filled with Altean script. Shiro was picking up the basics to follow the star charts and the commands on his own console on the bridge, but what Pidge had up was far beyond him.

"I just wanted to give you this." Shiro handed her the stack of condoms and watched as she frowned at them.

"What are these?" 

"Condoms. In case you meet someone."

Like the boys, Pidge went red, but she put on a better game face, turning to Shiro with an eyebrow raised. "I'm pretty sure if I have sex with an alien I won't get pregnant," she said evenly.

Shiro shrugged. "There's other things you can catch besides babies," he said.

"And who knows how aliens would have sex anyway," Pidge went on as if he hadn't said anything. "What are the chances they have biology that's compatible with ours?" Her blush had faded and now she was frowning at the condoms again. "How did you make these?"

"I asked Coran. And keep them just in case. You never know who's going to be compatible or not." Shiro stood, his delivery done with minimal awkwardness.

Pidge's eyes narrowed at him though. "I'm pretty sure I'm _not_ going to sleep with any of you."

Shiro smiled, pretty sure that wasn't going to happen anytime soon either. "Better to be prepared when you don't have to be than the opposite."

"Whatever." Pidge pointedly tossed the condoms aside and turned back to her project. Shiro left her to it.

* * *

The chance to hit a Galra supply convoy interrupted their diplomatic tour of the sector, and for a few frantic days, they were in and out of their Lions, back in the fight. Shiro had all but forgotten his mission to make sure his paladins had what they needed on shore leave, and it wasn't until they landed on the newly liberated Ostacia that he was reminded of it.

The Ostacians were a crustacean-like species with complex tattoo conventions that the boys and Pidge were drooling over at the feast held in their Voltron's honor. Even Keith's head was turned by some of their elaborate body-art. While they mingled with the younger Ostacian rebels that had helped them, Shiro and Allura made nice with the elders, who he was finding made uncomfortable small talk. Now that they were free of the Galra, all they wanted to talk about was making little Ostacians and they seemed fascinated by the fact that Allura didn't lay eggs. It wouldn't have been so bad if the advisor sitting next to her didn't keep leaning into her space and asking if she were sure and he was happy to try fertilizing for her, just in case. Allura so far had put him off politely, not wanting to offend, but Shiro was this close to risking a diplomatic incident by asking to change the subject.

"I assure you, it would do no good. Our species are far too different," Allura was saying.

"But you simply must try. We wouldn't want to leave you out of the festivities," the advisor said, raising a claw and gesturing to the party on the floor.

"Festivities? Are they...?" Allura's wide-eyes caught Shiro's in alarm, and they both turned as one to look out over what appeared to be a fairly normal party with lots of dancing going on. Or was it? Shiro studied the pairs of Ostacians who were rubbing their bellies together while they moved to the music. From the way the advisor was nodding eagerly, rearing up on his own back legs to show off the bright purple sack bulging from his bright blue ventral shell. It was oozing something Shiro would rather not think about too closely while eating dinner.

"Would you honor me in accepting my gift of life as a token of our new alliance?" the advisor asked. The rest of the Ostacian elders were looking on eagerly, and their chief was no help at all, beaming at Allura with grandfatherly pride.

Allura's lips firmed and her spine straightened. Shiro could tell it was the last honor she wanted but she wasn't going to insult them by even hinting that she was uncomfortable. "I believe it is you who is doing me the great honor," she said. She hesitated then, seeming unsure whether she should ruin her dress by rubbing her belly against the advisor's or simply reach out.

Shiro took the moment to fish out one of his condoms and held it out to her. "Princess Allura, if I may suggest, his excellency's gift might be best preserved for you with this. Since our anatomies are so different." he made a quick gesture to show what he meant, and Allura gave him the most brilliant smile of relief.

"Yes, of course. Thank you, Shiro." She slipped the condom over her fingers and rubbed some of the purple ooze from the purple sack, which satisfied the Ostacians. Inverting the condom as she rolled it off, so the ooze was now on the interior, she bowed to the advisor and the chief. "Thank you for this generous gift of life. May our two peoples be forever bound by this bond between us."

The rest of dinner and the party continued with renewed enthusiasm on the part of their hosts, everyone in good spirits from the exchange. 

Afterward, once they'd returned to the Castle, Allura turned to Shiro and thanked him profusely for lending her the . . . "Well, I guess I don't know what it is." She frowned at the purply condom in her hand, held daintily between thumb and forefinger. "It's rather strange looking for a glove."

Shiro laughed, as much from the release of the evening's awkward tension as from anything else. "It's doing exactly what it was designed to do," he said, grinning at her. "Preventing unwanted contact with alien sexual fluids," he added off of her look.

"Really?" Allura appeared intrigued, looking closer at the condom.

"Well, it wasn't designed with Ostacian's in mind," he said.

"No," she mused, "it looks more like it would fit -" Then she stopped, her mouth snapping shut and her dark skin flushing a shade darker even as she gave Shiro a sideways look.

He shrugged. "Human male anatomy," he completed her thought, trying not to blush himself. Talking about it with his fellow humans was one thing, with Allura it was something else. 

"Hmm. Well, yes. I mean. Not that I know what human male anatomy looks like," Allura said quickly, looking anywhere but at him.

"Similar to Altean?" Shiro asked gently, getting another sideways look that said more than words before Allura resolutely changed the subject. He went with it, not wanting to embarrass her further. But when they said their goodnights, Shiro pulled out a couple more condoms from his pocket and handed them to her.

"Just in case of any more diplomatic incidents," he said. 

For a second, he wasn't sure she'd accept, but in the end she did with a small smile. "Let's hope not," she said, and Shiro couldn't agree more.

* * *

Keith stared at the condoms Shiro was holding out to him with his arms crossed over his chest and his hair in his eyes. 

"Who would I meet out here?" 

"I don't know," Shiro shrugged, gesturing again for Keith to take them, but Keith either missed the cue or was being oblivious on purpose. "Someone from one of the planets we've liberated."

"I'm not going to take advantage of anyone just because we saved them!" Keith said hotly, glaring now.

Shiro's eyebrows went up at his outburst. "I'm not suggesting you will," he said evenly. "But just in case you connect with someone and want to get to know them a little better. . ."

"Is this because Lance can't keep it in his pants?" Keith's eyes narrowed, and Shiro held in the sigh that wanted to burst out.

"Look, we're not on Earth. We're not with the Garrison. You all are old enough to make your own decisions about having sex. Even if I could could stop you, I won't. It's not about anyone doing anything wrong. Sex isn't wrong as long as everyone taking part is all for it. But I do want all of you to be safe. So here." He tugged one of Keith's hands out of his defensive posture and gently folded his fingers over the condoms. "Go forth and be safe."

For a second he wasn't sure if Keith would try to give them back, but in the end he held on to them, glaring at the small stack in his hand before darting a glance back a Shiro.

"Everything okay?" Shiro asked. It wasn't at all the reaction he'd been expecting from Keith. He'd known him long enough to know that Keith had a healthy teenage sex drive, and even though their age gap at the Garrison hadn't made for casual conversation about it, he was pretty sure Keith had some practical experience too.

"Fine! Why wouldn't I be?" Keith snapped. He clenched his fist around the condoms, and Shiro caught his arm before he could stomp off. Keith's glare had him loosing his grip to no more than a light touch to the back of his wrist.

"You sound upset," he said. "Come on, Keith. Talk to me. Please?"

"There's nothing to talk about!"

"Keith," Shiro said in his best, level-with-me tone.

Keith resisted, crossing his arms again, but then he let out a sharp, annoyed sigh. "You want me to go off and sleep with aliens."

"That's . . . not what I said," Shiro said slowly. "I'm just handing out condoms. What you do with them is your business."

"With aliens." Keith's eyes were fixed intently on Shiro's.

"Well, that's pretty much our options."

"Not paladins," Keith said, eyes dropping.

Not . . . Oh. Shiro's thoughts raced. Not Lance, and odds were against Pidge. Hunk and Keith? Except Hunk was pretty stuck on Shay. That left -

"Never mind." Keith muttered practically jumping toward the door. 

Shiro was pretty sure his brain had caught in molasses and followed after him a beat too late. "Keith?"

Keith paused just on the other side in the hall, still within the sensor's range to keep the door open. His eyes were fixed somewhere down the hall, but he hadn't run yet. Shiro felt that raw exposed feeling of being on the cusp of something important.

"Keith," he said softly, as much to calm his own heartbeat as to not scare him away. He should let him down gently. He was their leader, he was older. But Shiro couldn't. Keith was one of his best friends, beautiful, strong, like a desert storm that scoured the landscape and left flowers in its wake. He'd waited for Shiro on Earth, rescued him, and then been at his right hand since they'd become part of Voltron. 

"The paladins aren't off-limits." Shiro licked his lips. "When you're ready to ask, I'll be here."

Those were the magic words. Keith's eyes snapped to his with such naked hope in them that Shiro wanted to soothe all his doubts away. He smiled, feeling a little self-conscious about it as the heat of a flush crawled up his ears. But Shiro didn't look away and neither did Keith, whose shoulders finally relaxed a fraction.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah," Shiro nodded, feeling a smile hovering about the corners of his mouth. "And in the meantime, if you ever want to talk or hang out, you know where I am. I'd like that."

Keith's smile lit up his face like a light burning bright as a star. "Me too."

Shiro grinned, and after Keith left, found he couldn't stop.


End file.
